#12 My Christmas Prince

p14737755_p_v8_aaSo today, while I wait for the laundry to finish and my kids to get out of school, I’m taking a trip to Lifetime – specifically, their offering this year of My Christmas Prince, not to be confused with A Christmas Prince, and all the other royal movies that are still on my DVR (don’t judge). Now, I could watch this along with the spectacular drinking game that was in yesterday’s paper, tailor-made for these types of movies, but as it is only 9 in the morning, I’ll forgo the booze on this one, and save it for something else…there’s always Christmas Kiss 2.

Alexis Knapp stars as Samantha (I had to google her, apparently she’s the slutty one in Pitch Perfect but now has blond hair) who works with summer schools and kids or something.  She gets offered a job right off the bat to run summer schools in the Bronx. Her boyfriend is a diplomat with a British accent and non-threatening brunet good looks, named Alex, who is from Maldevia? Why are all the Slavic named countries filled with British people?

Samantha is from a small town called Maple Falls…where they make a big deal about Christmas and have a Christmas Eve Dance – The Mistletoe Mambo, where they crown a King and Queen of the dance…where is this place and when can I go? She’s headed there and they’ll be separated for the holidays – or will they?

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That is clearly no building in NYC, at all

As she heads out to La Guardia, she is picked up in front of her apartment building that is not conceivable that she lives in – it looks like a bank.

Alex tells his mum he’s spending Christmas in Wyoming, so I guess that’s where Maple Falls is. I don’t know that Wyoming has a bunch of maple trees, do they? Mum is played by Jane Carr, who plays Cosmo’s mom on Fairly Odd Parents,  and a bunch of other British people in various things. She’s annoyed that Alex is not facing his responsibilities, including some girl named Clara. Alex does all conversating with his mom without a shirt on. As you do.

Parker Stevenson is Samantha’s dad. He was a Hardy Boy. He looks like a Hardy Grizzled Old Man now. Bummer.

There’s a shot of Samantha’s family driving down the street, and the dome light is on in the back of the car, probably to make sure that the camera can pick up all three people inside. I have thought that was illegal my entire life (and have said so to my kids so they don’t turn it on while I’m driving).

Alex gets pulled over while driving in Maple Falls – oh, and the cop who pulls him over is probably Samantha’s ex-boyfriend – and he surprises them at their Wednesday ritual of eating at a diner. And of course, the busy-body in the diner knows exactly who Alex is – He’s a Prince! Whoops!

He wanted to see Samantha in her natural habitat, to be able to share with her who he is. That makes no sense. He came to America to basically have his rumspringa. But all is forgiven that he totally lied to her, and now they’re off to experience the magic of Maple Falls at Christmas.

He’s in the guest room at her house, and the guest room has a freaking Christmas Tree in it. WHO DOES THAT?! It has greenery and Christmas lights, and a wreath on the door. I change the sheets and put out clean towels, but I don’t decorate.

Samantha is now featured on a blog called Crown Watchers – which follows royal people. Busybody Heidi from the diner posted it. That bitch. Heidi has the hots for Samantha’s ex-boyfriend who is still obsessed with Samantha.

Cut to scene at the palace in Maldevia. You would think their Christmas trees wouldn’t look so tacky.  The King is Mr. Sheffield from The Nanny.  They are aghast that their son is dating a commoner. Off goes the housekeeper? private secretary? to Wyoming to talk their son out of acting non-royal. Because that will do so much good.

Samantha’s house on the main floor has 4 Christmas trees that you can see from one camera angle. What the hell is wrong with this family?

Felicia (the queen’s emissary) has arrived in Maple Falls. She’s going to stay a few days and then report back to the queen. But the queen ain’t happy, and she sends Clara the baroness to Wyoming. Again, because that will work. Aside – Clara looks way too old for the prince. And seriously, the palace has 8 foot tall nutcrackers as decorations. Who was the set designer on this movie? S/he did an awful job.

There is a Gingerbread house making contest. They are making a palace. There’s a lot of B-roll of people making things with royal icing.

So now Samantha’s sassy friend has arrived, and Alex has been kicked out of the Christmas tree guest room and is staying at the inn. That’s gotta be an expensive flight for sassy friend to take – however, since they live in a bank building, maybe she’s independently wealthy. Where Clara is expected. Oh the drama – he doesn’t know that she’s on her way! Felicia doesn’t seem to be all on the anti-Samantha train, but is still helping Clara. Felicia’s guest room has 2 huge taxidermied bears with santa hats. Ew.

Samantha and Alex have a heart-to-heart about the pressures of royal life with paparazzi (because they were surprised at the Gingerbread contest by 1 reporter from the Maple Falls Gazette) but Sam says she wants to try to be with him.

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The Maple Falls Gazette is full of hard-nosed journalists.

And now that he’s been in Wyoming a few days, he has acquired a pair of broken-in jeans, and cowboy boots. And they’re off to a town-wide hayride. In the snow. Ugh. That sounds like a nightmare. But for a town-ride hayride, there are like, 5 people in the back of the tractor. And at the hayride extravaganza, guess who shows up?  CLARA!!!

Samantha puts her foot down – she can’t handle the fact that it’s hard. Alex might cry.

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Heart to Heart with a Hardy Boy.

Both Dad and Felicia talk about sacrifice and being true to each other. But it’s hard, y’all. But Samantha decides she has to go to the Mistletoe Mambo – as it’s not a Maple Falls Christmas without it.

By standing up to his mum, Alexander has shown his mom that he can be a strong king. Huh? But by talking it out with Clara, we find out that Clara is in love with someone else! Doesn’t that work out wonderfully.

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The Mistletoe Mambo – in an unfinished barn

While Samantha makes a lovely speech to the whole town about her parents’ anniversary, Alex shows up. She says, “they understood that love is not a fairy tale,” and he counters with “well what if it could be?” Shocking the entire freaking town – and they have a conversation about how much they love each other while again, the entire freaking town is looking on. Seriously, they are all watching. It’s creepy.

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They are King and Queen of the Mistletoe Mambo. We saw that coming, right?

We see the Royal Family skyping with the Wyoming family (who are all dressed in matching pajamas, including the prince and the sassy best friend).  The Royal family has severely mellowed in the last 10 minutes of this movie. They are super happy to have Samantha and her flannel-wearing family included in their Christmas.

my christmas prince 1And final shot is them dancing, one year later, so that we can see Samantha in another pretty dress, and Alex in some kind of uniform. Because we can’t have a royal movie without some kind of shot just like this.

And we’re done with My Christmas Prince which was so not as good as A Christmas Prince, although it did have the small-town charm and all those matching pajamas. This one was a chore, I’m not going to lie, but I got through it, just so you don’t have to.

 

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