#110 – A Christmas Kiss

I’m amazed, astounded, and, quite frankly, flabbergasted, that I haven’t done this one yet. It’s a classic, and yet, I did a quick search and nope, not on the list. Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, I give you A Christmas Kiss! Starring the guy who played Michael in the OG Roswell, some girl with brown hair, and former ADA from Law and Order, Serena Southerlyn, Elisabeth Rohm! (Yes, she’s been in other stuff. She was actually really good in American Hustle. But once you’re on Law and Order, that’s what leads.)

We’re backstage at a theater with the Nutcracker Suite playing in the background. Brown-haired girl is looking at the house with wonder, but then gets distracted by her phone, and the very scary big nutcracker that flies in from over top of the stage. Her name is Wendy, and she used to be a set designer at this theater. Wendy also has a Sassy Friend who is now the head of make-up and wardrobe. Wendy is an Interior Designer, who has a harsh boss, but her promotion is on the line. Oh, they’re in Boston, by the way. Sassy Friend Tressa gets Wendy all glammed up as they go out to celebrate Tressa’s promotion. It’s WAY too much for a night on the town.

Wendy never has any fun anymore, and thus it means Tressa says she has to wear body glitter. But before they can go out, her boss, Ms. Hall, calls to get her to do some Cinderella type house work at her apartment that really is not part of her job description. Ms. Hall’s apartment is nice, though, with some kind of balcony off the bedroom that Wendy can’t help looking at and pretend that its hers for a quick second. ‘Cause that’s not weird. But something is gonna happen soon, you know, because of those magic chimes that appear on any Hallmark magic-y type soundtrack.

She heads to the elevator, her work and pretending done. The elevator makes some kind of weird jolting motion, and then a handsome man enters the elevator. They banter about her overly made up face, but before you can say boo, the elevator jolts again, pitching her right into his arms. More chimes. The elevator seems like it’s going to crash, and of course, that’s when they kiss. A lot. Until they get interrupted by weird carolers who ARE NOT dressed like Dickens characters. She leaves and he’s upset in his overcoat.

She heads to the bar and tells her friends, and all friends are like, shut up, that’s crazy. But she had a spark with that guy! But she didn’t get his name and number, but it doesn’t matter – if Wendy is meant to be with him, they’ll find each other. Because THAT’s how that happens. Cosmos all around!

Ms. Hall interrupts Wendy’s beauty sleep because she’s got an emergency. Ms. Hall has a lunch date with her traveling boyfriend, Adam, and since it’s the maid’s day off, Ms. Hall is asking Wendy to serve, before heading off to the spa. Montage of Wendy cleaning and Ms. Hall getting a massage. There’s a jazzy guitar version of “We Three Kings” on the soundtrack. Ms. Hall gets back and shoos her out of the apartment, but before she can leave, Adam shows up, and what are the odds, he’s the guy from the elevator! But he doesn’t recognize her at all, mostly because she’s wearing glasses. She’s all like, “Hi!” and he’s like “who’s this random girl in glasses talking to me like we’ve met before?”

Wendy is devastated. Ms. Hall is all about her satin sheets. I used to work in linens. Satin sheets are gross and you can’t launder them. Egyptian cotton all the way. She is all about locking Adam down with a proposal, and she’s using her lips to get there. Already there is more kissing in this movie than anything on Hallmark proper. Adam is out of sorts, though, and could it be because he’s remembering that kiss in the elevator?

He says he’s got a proposal, and Ms. Hall says Yes! But it’s not that kind of proposal – he wants her to decorate his house for Christmas because of something to do with the ballet. She recovers admirably and they smooch some more.

Meanwhile, Wendy is drowning her sorrows in fake Starbucks with Sassy Friend and other redhead friend (I can’t be bothered to learn her name). Both friends are commiserating with Wendy, but they tell her to tell Adam who she is. Sassy Friend says that because he’s a guy, he needs everything spelled out. Redhead says you can’t ignore the spark! But Wendy says no, I’m going to be strong and ignore all that stuff.

Ms. Hall is all about social things, and Adam just wants to relax. They are not on the same wavelength. Hall wants to showcase that they’re a couple and Adam crumbles, even though he just wants an “Old Fashioned Christmas.”

All Wendy and her friends are doing are dancing their feelings out until they get dance-blocked by Ms. Hall, and Wendy crumbles in the face of her icy blue stare (through the phone). Hall breaks the news about the decorations at Adam’s house, and Wendy actually tries to grow a spine and asks why she has to work on Adam’s house, but Hall is adadamant that he’s the most important thing. Because if she works really hard, she’ll get that ring, right? We also find out that Adam has money money money. Wendy stifles her dismay and gets back on the elevator to go home, and Adam shows up again and he looks at her, and we learn that Ms. Hall’s name is Priscilla. We also learn that she did Summer Stock and did set design there. His money is tied up in an arts foundation, but he earns points because he loves A Midsummer Night’s Dream, which I do too. She also drops a quote from Romeo & Juliet and he’s impressed. She says that she stopped doing theater because she grew up and realized she needed a dental plan and stuff. But there’s enough interest in each other for another mushy song to play over the movie as they go their separate ways.

Wendy is freaking out with her friends over ice cream about working at Adam’s house, and her friends are nicely encouraging. Redhead says its fate, and Sassy Friend says she should work hard and she’ll go far in her career. Off she goes the next day with a basket of pastries and coffee, decorated with a nutcracker. She starts to take notes about the room, being a good interior designer, and is blown away that he has old books of Shakespeare, and a (cue magic chimes) first edition of A Christmas Carol – it’s his most prized possession. Priscilla shows up and makes Wendy do all the work while she works on the guest list. Adam tries to make Wendy join them, because he’s really entranced by the way she uses a a tape measure.

Wendy wants to base the design around A Christmas Carol and Priscilla instantly bah! humbugs that idea and says it’s so passe. No one can do bitchy iciness like Elisabeth Rohm. We also find out that she set out to meet him at a fundraiser because she’s a shark, and she goes after what she wants. Wendy asks the big question- do you love him? And Priscilla says “of course…we really fit each other.” She thinks this fundraiser party will double as her engagement party. Somehow, I don’t think so. But Wendy is off to color things and do whatever interior designers in movies do.

Cut to Adam, sitting in the theater, with a ring box in his hand. He meets up with the theater handyman Charlie, who is some kind of old sage. What wisdom do you have, Charlie? It’s about how much he loved his wife, and how he knew at the first kiss. Adam bought the ring when he knew he wanted to marry Priscilla, but since that elevator kiss, he’s not so sure. I can’t get a good look, but something tells me the ring he bought is nowhere near big enough for Priscilla.

Wendy brings in her crayon drawings and Priscilla craps all over them. She was inspired by his Christmas Carol book, and Prissy says “I own Wuthering Heights that doesn’t mean I want to live near a swamp” and that means she did not read that book because there are no swamps on the moors. Wendy is full of good ideas and man, we hate Priscilla a lot, because crayon drawings of Christmas trees is not high society. But ha ha, because Adam hates all her very awful designs. White trees? Who does that? He wants Traditional, or didn’t you listen? Wendy smiles to herself and then Priscilla takes Wendy’s crayon drawings and presents them as her own ideas and wouldn’t you know it, Adam loves it! How many snowballs can we throw at Priscilla? I hope a lot!

Wendy does try to stand up for herself, but Ice Priscilla coolly shuts her down like the bitch she is. Friends are there to back her up at the coffee shop, and wouldn’t you know it, Adam shows up! Her friends are trying to make it obvious for Adam to know all the stuff going on with Wendy, which is very funny. They laugh a lot, and Adam glances back wistfully – something tells me he needs more fun in his life.

Priscilla vetoes listening to Christmas music, and while she hangs up his coat, she finds the ring box and of course looks at it. Does she like it? Hard to tell. I don’t like it, just FYI. Next day, Sassy Friend helps Wendy bring stuff to Adam’s house, and Priscilla is being very hard on Sassy Friend who is carrying a large lamppost, and Sassy Friend totally wallops Priscilla good. HaHa – Take That! She says “Adam can’t see me like this.” Wendy says “But if he loves you, it doesn’t matter” and then Prissy says “Plain girls like you always say that.” So there. Prissy’s big adult reaction to a bump on her nose is to run home to mommy to get plastic surgery, and now Wendy is in charge of the entire project! Huzzah!

Montage of decorations. And since she’s an actual interior designer, and this is integral to the plot, I will allow all the garland and etc. She’s done a lot by the time Adam comes home. She’s off to go live tree shopping, and Adam offers to help because she needs 3 trees, she doesn’t have a car, and she’s tiny. More non Dickens carolers at the tree lot. WHY? Plus, why are they looking at the a booklet for the words to “We Wish You a Merry Christmas”? Adam rightly wonders what figgy pudding is. Wendy earns points because she loves Christmas music, and won’t get bored by the caroling. She gushes about her childhood with her dad – listing out all her favorite Christmas movies after decorating the tree. Sounds fun. Something tells me that her dad is dead.

After tree shopping, they go get coffee. Adam’s childhood is a lot more sterile, but his grandma made it special. His backstory is also that he wanted to be an actor, but he was not good. Wouldn’t you know it that Sassy Friend and redhead are also at the coffee shop and they are all laughing and having fun. Isn’t that great that everyone gets along?

More montages of unpacking boxes for decorating. She does have 3 trees to trim. Adam brings her figgy pudding. They are not impressed, because they don’t understand that pudding in Britain is cake. She asks him to help trim the tree, and he’s super excited to help. Good thing he’s tall. More montages. I realize that whenever I put ornaments on my tree I put them on backwards, as Wendy fiddles with the exact placement of each thing. Adam gets weepy talking about his grandma, and Wendy is bowled over by the fact that she knew exactly what Adam wanted, not Priscilla, and Wendy tries to tell him that either she’s the girl in the elevator, or that she did the work all by her own self, but she gets call blocked by Priscilla.

She did electrical work in his house and rigged all the twinkle lights to a remote control. Good for her! He’s overcome and takes her out for pizza and beer. He also shows her the ring he was thinking of giving to Priscilla. The ring is beautiful, but not “Priscilla.” I KNEW she would hate the ring! The designs have convinced him that Priscilla is the one, because it’s so close to what he wanted, and Wendy HAS to tell him before he makes a big mistake. They walk home talking Shakespearean heroines, and then they go take a ride in a horse-drawn carriage, and it’s even more clear that Adam has no clue who Priscilla is. Do they even have horse-drawn carriages in Boston? I don’t know the answer to that. Wendy is all fluttery to be in a cold carriage with handsome Adam while there’s a jazzy version of “Jingle Bells” playing on the soundtrack. She falls getting out of the carriage and he catches her like he did in the elevator, and he’s wondering what’s going on now?

Her friends tell her she needs to tell him about the elevator kiss thing, and the designs, and Wendy over analyzes everything and imagines the worst-case scenario in coming clean. They have a very large apartment for three people. Meanwhile, Adam is sleepless in only pajama pants. He clearly does ab work. He wonders about the ring, and Priscilla, and calls Italy (where he bought the ring) to inquire about exchange policies. BTW, the ring is perfect for Wendy, don’t you know.

Friends need to help Wendy untangle the mess, and Sassy Friend is ready to kick his ass if he hurts her, and off she goes back to Adam’s house to decorate more trees. He brings her some Christmas movies, including The Muppet Christmas Carol (the best one) and they order Chinese to watch 5 movies. He’s never seen any of these, and Wendy cries over something (probably because the DVD of Muppets doesn’t have the Belle “When Love is Gone” song in it (until soon, when it will be released again!) and then she falls asleep, and he’s into it, until he falls asleep on her. Altogether now, awwwww. BUT! Before we awwww too loudly, Priscilla shows up the next morning and sees them on the couch together. Wendy’s rightly concerned about her job at this point.

Priscilla is not jealous, obviously, because Wendy is her assistant and clearly Adam would never slum so far. But she then answers Adam’s phone (WHO DOES THAT?) and talks to the jeweler from Italy, and she’s now on the warpath, and she’s rifling through his stuff until she finds it again. Adam says “we need to talk” but she shoos him away and then calls Wendy to yell at her. She told Adam was going to clean up but then she makes Wendy do it, and tells Wendy that she’s engaged to Adam, and oh, by the way, Wendy, you’re fired, and if you try to talk to Adam, you’ll never work in this town again. Let’s say it again: that bitch!

Sassy Friend is killing it in this movie – and rightly calls out that Priscilla sucks. I love you, Sassy Friend!

Priscilla calls the newspaper to plant a story about the fact that Adam is going to get engaged to Priscilla in the next edition. Ugh. Adam shows up at the theater, and Charlie the sage congratulates Adam on making up his mind, little does he know what awaits him at home! First – Priscilla says Wendy quit, and she also is still wearing the engagement ring and she won’t listen to the fact that he didn’t even ask her yet. He didn’t say anything, and it’s officially in the paper, and jeez, is Adam in the Sad Times now because he’s too chicken to say anything? Yes. At least Wendy’s Sad Times are very justified and real.

Montage of Time Passing. Saxaphone plays. Wendy’s helping Sassy Friend at the theater and trying not to cry. She does not succeed. Charlie the sage sees it and wonders, like Marvin Gaye, what’s goin’ on. Charlie and Sassy Friend are scheming to get Adam and Wendy back in an elevator. Wendy is being brow-beaten to getting dressed up and go to the opening night of the Nutcracker ballet. Back they go to the theater.

At Adam’s house, it’s way too crowded and for some reason there are children there? Adam tells Priscilla that he never officially proposed, and she’s like, oh really? But there’s more cracks in this relationship as he figures out that Priscilla didn’t do the designs, and he’s finally seen the light on how awful she is. Huzzah!

At the theater for the ballet, Adam is in the audience, and Wendy is backstage, but then Charlie motions from the wings to get Adam out of his seat and backstage to see Wendy in her pretty blue dress. Priscilla joins him backstage and tries to awkwardly talk to Wendy, but no, Wendy is NOT having it – it’s time for her realization monologue. And she tells him that she was the elevator girl, and that she fell in love with him, and then Charlie lowers the extra large nutcracker from the beginning of the movie and Priscilla walks right into it and breaks her nose again. And then to add insult upon injury, Adam takes the ring back. HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH. Go get Wendy, Adam! Go to that elevator!

He rightly asks for her to forgive him for not realizing who she was, and he’s all into the fact that she said she loves him, and they’re both in love and then Charlie breaks the elevator (with Sassy Friend’s help!) and KISS KISS KISS and the end.

So I saw this one before I started this blog and I do like this one. It has everything, plus I like it when actors I like get work when their shows get cancelled – Brenden Fehr was a very good part of Roswell back in the day, even if the early episodes were a little rough. And FYI, there’s a sequel coming up that legit made me tear up the first time I saw it. But we’re not there yet. I just watched A Christmas Kiss, just so you don’t have to.

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